...For Dummies...

We’ve admitted that we are book geeks and probably spend more time than is healthy at book stores and libraries. That is a given. However, we are astute enough to realize there are some books that should never have been written.

Here’s one of them…

First, let’s paint a picture…

Your depressed, checking out of life, napping until noon, unemployed and unmotivated. Your friends and family aren’t calling and you feel like ending it all. In a rare and uncharacteristic burst of lackluster ambition, you pull on your unmatched slippers, draw the pull-string on your pajamas under your protruding beer gut and wallow to the bookstore.

You are going to help yourself dammit!

You stumble with listless lack-of-purpose into the self-help aisle, past cheerful & wealthy Dr. Phil and Wayne Dyer. You don’t need platitudes. You definitely don’t need “if you believe it you can achieve it” rah-rah and other blathering chants. You need facts! You need a plan of action.

And then suddenly you see it. It is both a conformation and the final straw in your banal existence.

That’s right! Depression for Dummies.

It’s bright yellow cover, familiar and nauseating after you had purchased and subsequently lost your life savings using the “Investing for Dummies” and had spent thousands on hackneyed projects after reading, “Home Improvement for Dummies”.

This book successfully summed it up. You are depressed and you are dumb. Look at the cover. That's what people see when they see you. Now you know why they don't want to talk to you...quite frankly, your depressing.

When I saw I started laughing, right there in the store. The pensive and sheepish guy next, waiting for me to put down "his book," just ambled away in a jilted, stooped-shouldered walk. When I showed my wife, she laughed too! I’ll be honest, I didn’t look inside the book. I would rather imagine the chapters…

- Chapter 1: You are a loser and nobody likes you
- Chapter 2: Depressed and stupid; the spiral downward
- Chapter 3: Why you are doomed to Fail and other affirmations
- Chapter 4: Box Cutters, Carbon Monoxide & Other Useful Ideas…

The rest of the book could be blank journal pages and they could provide a leaky pen.

The image above includes the link to the Amazon page but as of this writing the page said, “Only 5 left in stock—order soon.” It will probably be sold out by the time you try to buy it. Just in case you can't get it, visit despair.com for products you are sure to love.

Maybe I’m too sensitive but doesn’t anyone else see this as strange.