Being a moron and other anomolies

I had to re-post this entry because it was feeding strange to my other site??

My children are doomed! By birthright they have a name that is so close to moron that it is necessarily the target of the oh-so-clever group of people who realize that Moran and moron only require a single letter to make one the other.

Almost daily someone who learns of our last name makes the connection – geniuses that they are. For them, it is always new, exciting, and fresh.

When my wife and I were first parents, we would gush about our every action of our oldest child. His first cookie – isn’t that cute. His first poopie – isn’t that cute (that one got old quick). His first steps – isn’t that cute.

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Side note: In case you are wondering, grammatically “isn’t that cute” should be a question. But when new parents say it in regards to their child it is a statement. They mask it in a question to get your agreement but don’t confuse that point. Once, I answered, “no, it isn’t really all that cute.” The parent in question was shocked! Of course, I joked and laughed it off as me just goofing around. But really, their child wasn’t that cute – in fact, they were downright ugly. Yes, there are ugly babies.
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My mom used to say, “Look, it’s the first child to ever_______” add your own ending here. It was her way of pointing out that she had five kids and we all did the same thing. Basically, you had a sex and had a child – get over it, there are only about 80 million people who will do that this year (have kids, I mean). And I actually looked up this statistic…

Every time I hear moron, I want to point out that they weren’t the first to notice it. Am I angry about it? Do I sound angry about it?

Once, when Christopher received his first set of stitches at 9 months old, (isn’t that cute, look he’s bleeding profusely from his chin. Ahhh) my wife went back into the doctor’s office to hold him while they did the work. Laura is not real fond of blood but because she had handled the original emergency, felt she would be fine. I waited in the emergency room lobby with Matt & Jessica, our oldest two.

Sudently, an intern entered the lobby – the crowded lobby – looking curiously at a piece of paper – reading something and moving his lips, wordlessly, in practice. And then, he said it…

“Moron, is there a Moron here. Mr. Moron”

Laughter started in the lobby and I raised my hand..

“Uh, that would be me.”

As it turns out, Laura was sitting in the doctor’s office nearly passed out. She had suddenly realized that Chris was bleeding and remembered that she didn’t like blood. Moron!

And don’t get me started on the magically appearing “G”. Our name becomes “Morgan” more than moron. I think it’s an evolutionary process people use to ensure they don’t accidentally call us morons.

Chances are, if your last name is Morgan, you were probably a moron at some point.