http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9823624/
I bring you this mildly truthful socio-political commentary:
A sweaty and nervous ambassador from Iran, Tehran Tom – formerly known as Bagdad Bob – speaking from the steps of the Iranian embassy in Moscow said, “Mr. Ahmadinejad did not have any intention to speak up in such sharp terms and enter into a conflict."
The ambassador was speaking in response to world community's condemnation for the Iranian President's comments at the recent, "The World Without Zionism" Conference and Soccer Match.
"Hey, who broke the American Flag Ball?
If you can't play nicely, there's the door."
If you can't play nicely, there's the door."
Tehran Tom explained further, “When he said that Israel should be wiped off the map, he only meant the people. We still want the land and buildings.”
Frothy-mouthed Iranians are turning out by the thousands with signs that read, “Death to Israel, Death to America.” Small wording at the bottom reads, “Brought to you by the United Nations – making pronouncements with no action for 60 years.”
“It’s toothpaste, hee hee – the stuff around their mouths.. toothpaste” – the ambassador in Moscow indicated with a nervous giggle, “we Iranians are fanatical…about oral hygiene.”
Russia has demanded an explanation from its key ally in the Middle East. In a telephone call to Russian President Putin, the Iranian leader, speaking very slowly said, “DO I HAVE TO SPEAK IN BIG LETTERS FOR YOU. I WANT TO BLOW THE FREAKIN’ JEWS UP! HELLLLOOO!!!! PUT DOWN THE SMIRNOFF AND PULL THAT STUPID FUZZY HAT AWAY FROM YOUR EARS! WHAT’S TO EXPLAIN?”
Apparently Putin understood as he nodded his head slowly and said, “Oh… okay… we tried that years ago. Have at it buddy. By the way, we have a bunch of old nukes lying around. Know anyone who wants ‘em? I need a couple bucks - the wife and kids ya know.”
The two then planned an excursion to Amsterdam – booking a shared room with a monstrous pink heart-shaped bed at a "hotel" called, “They Martyr’s Reward.” Heidi Fleiss, who has long since kept a separate black book - "The Kinky Koran” – with the names of several devout radical Muslims has arranged for a hundred virgins to join them in their visit.
“They are nurses. It’s purely platonic. I mean, Mr. Ahmadinejad is a devout Muslim. He wouldn’t been cavorting with whores, now would he? He is a deeply religious man – one of god’s chosen – you know. Oh, and I run a dating service.”
Some basic investigation found that the entire visit will be funded by the UN’s new Oil for Bombs Program. Kofi Annan, the Secretary-General of the UN, could not be reached for comment. He is currently on the UN Yacht, “The U.S.O.A Paid For This”, somewhere off the Cayman Islands on a humanitarian relief effort. We understand that he is concerned about the treatment of the local nude sunbathers. He’s packing lots of penicillin as well – concerned about Bird Flu or Strep Throat, I guess.
The UN's 60th Anniversary Logo
and here are the logo usage guidelines.
A UN spokesperson indicated that swift-action would be forthcoming, using the harshest UN language possible.
“Mr. Ahmadinejad is risking a lot by his statements. If he doesn’t stop, we won’t comp his coffee in the UN cafeteria. He’ll have to pay for it, just like the rest of the third-world nations do. And that’s not the worst of it. He’s risking losing his week at the UN timeshare in Vail Colorado. We’ll just go auction that puppy off on E-bay.”
Note to reader:
Okay, I took some writer’s license with this one. Some of the above is a slightly fictionalized account of what actually took place.
I truly appreciate the Iranian embassy in Moscow taking the time to clarify the Iranian Sociopath’s ur, President’s remarks. We all feel a lot better now.
The whole story makes you feel a little sorry for Russia. When your key ally in the Middle East is run by a slightly unbalanced fanatic and you are supporting their right to build a completely peaceful nuclear power plant, your invoices from Madison Avenue must be exorbitant.
The other thing I wonder about is why it’s always an embassy outside the country trying to clarify the leader’s “misunderstood” remarks. Why not have the leader clarify his remarks. I have an inkling as to why… Mr. Ahmadinejad handlers are still trying to explain to him that the little switch on the microphone was an on/off switch.
I have to imagine that right after his comments, the prez of Iran turned to the sound booth and mouthed, “Dammit, did everyone hear that? This one’s gonna be hard to explain!”
The entire thing makes me sick and sad. I like Kabob and spicy rice and I can only feel it may be hard to come by real soon. It was easier dealing with the Cold War because you knew that the Russian Communists just wanted world conquest. They didn't believe that killing everyone, including their own people, would be doing them a favor and sending the "good" one's to heaven.
